My super crazy, beautiful life

So I have opinions. Get over it?

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LJ Loser.

Hmm. Help? I'd love to post some pictures, but don't remember how. Also, how do I put it behind a cut?

Love Dare- Day 8

Day 8: During Deployment “Love is Not Jealous”


 Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. — Song of Solomon 8:6

Jealousy is one of those things that can be a bad thing if demonstrated in a non-loving way. In other words, as The Love Dare says, “There are actually two forms: a legitimate jealousy based upon love, and an illegitimate jealousy based upon envy.” (p. 36) We know that there are many biblical warnings against jealousy based upon envy, but on the other hand it refers to God as a jealous God who is love.

So the lesson today speaks of God’s jealousy as being for His people because He loves us so much and wants for us to keep Him first. But the lesson also speaks a great warning to those who would be jealous of someone who has something that you want. That kind of jealousy can lead to bitterness and anger if not tempered by learning to love others. No doubt you have all seen couples whose marriages have been crippled by jealousy—it’s not pretty. As the book says, “It is time to let love, humility, and gratefulness destroy any jealousy that springs up in your heart. It’s time to let your mate’s successes draw you closer together and give you greater opportunities to show genuine love.” (p. 38)

To that end, the authors want to remind us that we should be our spouse’s greatest cheerleaders—to encourage them on to greater chances to excel. If we can do that, we have taken a step away from selfishness (there’s that word again!) and towards oneness.

Here’s the dare for the day, during deployment: Take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and destroy it. Then email, write, or telephone your spouse to tell them how glad you are about a recent success that they have achieved. If, because you are experiencing deployment, you don’t know what a recent success might be, be sure and ask them something like this, “I want to be your cheerleader. Would you share with me something you have accomplished lately that you are particularly proud of—because I want to tell you that I am proud of you, too.”

On FamilyLife’s webpage there is a daily journal of one woman’s experience doing The Love Dare. Here is what she writes about Day 8: “Today’s challenge was to destroy the negative list I made yesterday. Destroying the list was easy—I just tossed the piece of notebook paper into the chimera and the flames blackened it to ash in the wink of an eye. Then I prayed that my negativity would disappear just as quickly. I’ve held onto hurt for a long time, but I realized my hurt has been tying us to a place we need to move beyond and rise above. I must watch that Satan doesn’t stir the ashes to try to spark the fear.”

I believe that what she has shared has a message for all of us.

Here are some Scriptures to encourage you in truth:

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. — Galatians 5:24-26

Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature. — Romans 13:13,14

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. — James 3:16

A little bit Sappy

Okay so I write. A lot. Random thoughts, things that never have an ending, and poetry. I LOVE to write. I write from experience, I write from dreams, I write from hopes. Love and hatred, I write because I can, I write to escape, and I write to understand. Sometimes it doesn't make sense, sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's cooky, and sometimes it's sappy.

I am going to post a few things. Thoughts, comments, good - negative. I welcome it all.  I am curious. :)

First entry-

I laid awake last night dreaming of our future. I closed my eyes and tossed prayers into the sky. I laid awake last night wishing upon stars. I opened my eyes: you weren't there.

I ran my fingers through your blonde hair; dug my fingers deeper and felt the cold air.

I kissed you- a soft meeting of lips, a tease of taste- a harsh pang of loneliness.

I felt your arms circle my waist from behind, the weight of your wrists heavy on my hips. I moved my hands to join your fingers, longing to feel your skin.

Your breath was on my neck last night, my fingers in your hair, your hands circled my waist last night, my fingers slipped through the air. Reality and fantasy twirled and swayed their way through my mind last night.

I swear to god i felt you there

My husband was gone for a month, I wrote this on one of the hardest nights during the training.  For him. I keep a journal, a written one for Tanner (my husband). He writes me back, and leaves his comments and leaves his poetry. I'd post his reply to this, but he's shy. ;)

The morning after

OH EM GEE!!! Ladies! My husband is HOME. EEEk. And I must say man oh man have I missed his kisses, ( and other such parts) ;) He got home around 4 ish yesterday, and our boys were over the top with excitement. They just wouldn't let go of him, and were smothering him with kisses, wish I would have reminded myself to grab the camera. Shoot. Wow, did daddies cammies smell though! Guess I am on laundry duty today while he's at work. Dang. LOL

I coldn't stop looking at him, even after living with him and being his best friend before his wife, I am so amazed with him. Every part. He's got these beautiful blue eyes that capture my heart and the worlds sweetest smile. I'm in love with my husband, I don't know how much more amazing my life could get.

Thanks for all the new adds girls! I can not wait to read your journals and learn of all your amazing days and about your awesome kids. :)

Today's the DAY!

My hubby has been gone for about 3 weeks and he is currently on the bus home as I type this!! I am beyond excited, it's been a really hard three weeks. I just moved to Lejeune in June and he left middle/end of July. Talk about not knowing anyone.My emotions are CRRAZZY right now, and my stomach is in knots. I feel a lot like I did back in highscool. (Yeah we we're friends and I had a horrible crush on him). I get butterflies just looking at him, and giggly. It's bad, LOL. I'm also relieved, I have been with two little boys alone for three weeks and all I want is to sleep later than 7 for one morning. I have had the worst week, from a 6 hour hospital visit, and a 4 hour doctor visit, a horrible drug reaction. It's just been a bad week, and then (not that I blame him) but my husband wants nothing more than my undivided attention and to talk constantly. I love this man, but  he is a Chatty kathy lilke you wouldn't believe. I am not, I am the polar opposite, I HATE talkin on the phone, it annoys me. But I try and compromise for my man, because I know he misses me just as much as I miss him. It'll be SO amazing to have him home, safe and sound, and feeding him. ( I like to feed him) We have a tendency not to eat when we're away from eachother- I've lost 5 ish pounds and am down to 105 in two weeks. So now we can EAT! Together. lol.

I am excited, off I go to make sure everything's PERFECT. Yay for my husband being home. Oh and Sex ;)


Okay so on Monday I went in to see the Doctor, I was having horrible back pain and JUST KNEW I had another kidney infection. I get there and yes I have a significant UTI that's traveled to my kidneys. She prescribes me Cipro- antibiotic most know to help with Anthrax used by member of the Military- I've never taken this and I was not informed of ANYTHING at the doctor as how, when and what with, to take this medication. I also was unaware it had side effects. This morning is my 5th dose, and a half hour later and i feel like I am having a heart attack. My heart was racing, skin tingling, uncontroable tremors, I felt like I was on fire and my hands were so clammy! Still haven't gotten a hold of the doctor, ugh. I guess dizziness and nausea are side effects, but what I was feeling was BEYOND that. I honestly thought I was having a heart attack. i feel real weird still,  but the severity has lessened.

HAS ANYONE had this drug, or known anyone?! I need advice till the Doctor calls, Is this an ER visit type deal or wait it out.

Till then..

Let the shaking continue.


That was the LOONGEST two weeks of my life. My husband and I decided to do a day or two without the computer before he left for 20 days fo training. So we did, and then when he leaves OF course my hard drive breaks and I am stuck at home with a 4 year old and an 18 month old and NO socilization. LOL. The new hard drive came yesterday and the husband comes home tomorrow, how flippin convienant. :D

Will catch up on journals and update on my last lonely two weeks.

Love Dare- Day 7

Day 7: During Deployment “Love Believes the Best”


Love believes all things, hopes all things. — 1 Corinthians 13:7

Today we’re going to get very specific. The lesson and dare today are going to take you into two rooms—the “Appreciation Room” and the “Depreciation Room.” If you needed a day to focus on a definite task, today is that day. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, or what you are involved in—you can do this.

Let’s start in the metaphor of the “Appreciation Room.” That’s where your thoughts go when you remember positive and encouraging things about your spouse that you appreciate. In this “Room” you will find written on the walls the characteristics which attracted you to him or her in the first place and what you have grown to admire. Have you forgotten? Hopefully you see words like “diligent,” “laughs at my jokes,” “great cook,” “pretty eyes.” And when you spend time in this Room, thinking about these good attributes, your gratitude for your spouse grows.

But down the corridor of your heart is a darker place. The authors of The Love Dare call it the “Depreciation Room.” They write, “This room is lined with the weaknesses and failures of your husband or wife. . . . Emotional injuries fester here, adding more scathing remarks to the walls. It’s where ammunition is kept for the next big fight and bitterness is allowed to spread like a disease. . . . Spending time in the Depreciation Room kills marriages.” (p. 32)

Can you picture these two rooms? Now, let love direct you into the “Appreciation Room” and stop your lingering in the “Depreciation Room.” Because love is going to choose the better way, and “love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. . . . As much as possible, love focuses on the positive.” (p. 33)

But what if all of the negative things written on the walls are true? Aren’t the positive things written on the walls also true? Think about it—wouldn’t you want your spouse to remember you in positive ways while you are geographically separated? Why not do the same about them? Love would . . .

Here’s how love would handle the things written on the walls of the “Depreciation Room”—the same way Jesus handles them. The authors (Stephen and Alex Kendrick) remind us that He writes across all of those things, “COVERED IN LOVE!” He has forgiven . . . . and we must, too. And we must pray for our spouse. So peek in the room if you must, but only to know how to pray and to cover the walls in the writing of forgiveness.

Here’s the dare for the day, during deployment: Take out two sheets of paper, one to write down the positive things about your spouse and the other to write down the negative things. Put them away in a safe, secret place—we will return to them at a later date. But as you are writing down the positive things, choose one and write or tell your spouse how much you appreciate them for that.

 Here are some Scriptures to encourage you in truth:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. — Philippians 4:8

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together

Love Dare-Day 6

Day 6: During Deployment “Love is Not Irritable”


Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. — Proverbs 16:32 (NLT)

I really appreciate the authors’ definition of “irritable” in Day 6 of The Love Dare. They write, “People who are irritable are locked, loaded, and ready to overreact.” (p. 26) Then they complete the chapter with a good analysis of what can bring us to that point—one of those factors being stress. But deployment is spelled s—t—r—e—s—s! Right? So does that give us an “easy out”? Since we’re under stress because of the wartime separation, we can justify being irritable??

Not so fast—as the authors get more specific and actually say that there are different kinds of stress that can bring on crankiness (is that a better word for it?). The bottom line is that they want to encourage us to put margin into our schedule so we can better prioritize and pace ourselves. Well . . . . with deployment it’s kinda’ hard to manage the pressure we’re under with better discipline of our schedule!! It’s a great concept, though, so we want to look at it creatively during the dare.

The other factor that they write about is selfishness. That pesky word keeps coming up!! Here’s exactly how they word it, “When you’re irritable, the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart. . . .Being easily angered is an indicator that a hidden area of selfishness or insecurity is present where love is supposed to rule.” (p. 27, 28) They continue on and say that selfishness can show itself as lust, bitterness, greed, and pride. “These motivations can never be satisfied. But when love enters your heart, it calms you down and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself. It loosens your grasp and helps you let go of unnecessary things.” (p. 28)

In summary, the Kendricks want us to approach this battle against irritability from the two fronts of stress and selfishness: (1) Stress–The Love Dare challenges the participant to make a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. But chances are strong that you have little control over your schedule. Here are some questions for you to evaluate: What are you doing with the down time that you do have? Are you using it to build a loving marital relationship with constructive efforts at communication and responsible actions? Or are you wasting that time, perhaps ignoring good chances for communication with your spouse or choosing irresponsible behavior? (2) Selfishness–The Love Dare is emphatic that we make a list of any wrong motives that we need to release—those things that are underlying selfish behavior (lust, bitterness, greed, pride).  

Here’s the dare for the day, during deployment: (1) Make a list of things you can do to improve your use of any quiet moments you might have. (2) Pick a time when you have recently overreacted. What was the real motivation behind that? What one thing could you do to take a step away from selfishness and towards forgiveness, gratitude, or contentment?

Here are some Scriptures to encourage you in truth:

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. — James 4:1-3

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:6, 7

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. — Ephesians 4:31, 32

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. — 1 Timothy 6:10

All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD. — Proverbs 16:2


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